Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
