I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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