you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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