Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
its liver damage thursday
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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