oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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