Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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