is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
