I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
