why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
