she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
