I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
