I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
