this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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