If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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