Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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