You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
