is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
