PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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