haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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