plz talk dirty to me
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish my penis had an off switch
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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