Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
