Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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