Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
