I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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