They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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