Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
