she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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