Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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