school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
