dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
