Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
