At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
