Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
