Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Pooping to opera.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
