In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize