Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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