Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
