New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
