My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
