Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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