god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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