what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
