who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
