He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
