I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
