wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who died my cat blue again?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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