I feel great
I just peed on a car
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
