wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
