I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
