Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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