I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize