I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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