I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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