I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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