screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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