We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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