my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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