You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
