you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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