I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
