can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
