Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
