When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
being pregnant is like rehab
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize