He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
