don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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