A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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