hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
