Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
